WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
