I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize