im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
