and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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