Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
