Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do vagina's smell?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
