Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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