There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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