made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't turn off my feet"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
