I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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