this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
