Where is the hickey?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
