Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
tell me about the eggs
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
