Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
