eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
