Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
