good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
