I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
