It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
