At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
