thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
