I forgot how hot balto sounded
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
