I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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