My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize