Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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