smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
