Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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