just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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