someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
