Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
