Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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