worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
