I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
