I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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