To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
