she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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