I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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