i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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