ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
