I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
