I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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