she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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