Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
