ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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