So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize