What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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