I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We had to coat check the pizza.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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