my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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