Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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