whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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