3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My life is pants optional.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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