dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
this will be a night to untag.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
