So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
