Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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