Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
