so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
No more Irish car bombs ever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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