Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
