So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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