So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
