So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
