Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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