Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
