She said her name was "party"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
