then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
