Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize