well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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