UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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