Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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