My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize