All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
