cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
