I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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