My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
