FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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