I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
