Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There's a naked man in my car right now.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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