that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My bed smells like the plague
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
