Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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