Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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