Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
