Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
