I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
