I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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