Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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