need another drink. this is the easiest way
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I need to sanitize my soul.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
