i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
whose parrot is this?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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