if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
